My moods are cycling something fierce today. Should probably check the calendar to see if it’s PMS at fault or just the usual insanity. Doesn’t help that my usual Sunday night insomnia was exacerbated by a very overactive brain. One of the drawbacks to keying your memories to music is that the music tends to keep playing in your head long after you’ve shut it off—after I’d finally managed to fall asleep at around 2:30am, I found myself waking up every 1/2 hour or so with a head full of music and thoughts. I’d also left one of my monitors powered up and the glow from the background picture was picking at my eyeballs all night. Have a headache but my brain hasn’t showed sign of shutting off tonight.
Was perky today (my MP3 player arrived—it’s niiiiiiiice—and I even got an Xmas care package from my folks) but I starting spiralling down quickly after work and bottomed out a few minutes ago, ending with a little crying jag. My solar plexus is vibrating like a drum and I’m barely holding off a minor but fully-fledged and completely unfocussed panic attack.
It’s too late. It’s too late. It’s too late. It’s. too. late.
Itstoolateitstoolateitstoolateitstoolateitstoolateitstoolateits t o o l a t e. . .
Breathe.
Just remember to breathe.
It will all pass if you just don’t forget to breathe.
Life Begins at 41...or maybe 43 