Bottoming out

Have waves of despair crashing through me, one of those little cyclones of sadness that keep breaking against me. I hope it is a short one as it’s killing me. Cannot feel my connection with the Universe at all right now but I’ll have to trust that it’s still there under all of this.

Reached out briefly to my mother for help and now understand why I cannot share this ride with her. She doesn’t understand the little smoke signal I sent up and I can’t explain it better. I don’t know that she ever went through this — she certainly doesn’t remember going through menopause and I don’t remember her seeming to go through anything like this then. Mind you, I would have been going through puberty and my post-16 depression at the time so I probably wouldn’t have seen it if she had.

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