But officer, the wall jumped out and hit me

The despair cyclones and anger waves swirling through me tonight are trying to dissipate but keep smacking against the physical barrier that is my body and turning inwards again. It look so long to build this fucking thing, and I want it gone, now! But I can’t just sweep it away like a good spring cleaning. It took decades to build, layers and layers of fear, anxiety, and pain cemented with self-loathing and given physical form. I don’t know if I have the strength to spend the months, the years it will take to tear it down and expose the person beneath to the light of day. My heart is breaking already and I’ve barely even started.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s