Just breathe…

Feels like a very large elephant is sitting on me.

Anxiety hits me in the solar plexus, which makes both my stomach and my chest unhappy. If they were people, they’d be pacing back and forth, wringing their hands, and muttering to themselves.

Project anxieties, as always. I’m getting crabby again. I’ve had it shoved down my throat repeatedly that the BA will be doing the technical/peer review of my documentation for the project—at project meetings, at department meetings, and in casual conversation it’s been stated and restated that the BA is responsible for doing the technical desk check (wtf?), the peer review/proofreading (huh?), and a business requirements check (I’ll grant you that one). But according to the PM, everyone (meaning the BA) is too busy to do a peer review on the project that is due this week. She’s had it for several weeks and hasn’t managed to squeeze in a couple of hours to look it over yet? Then why the f&^% did you insist that she be the one to do it, for crissakes?!

What burns me most about that is that I’ve been told that under no circumstances am I to ask for my colleague to do a peer review for me without the express permission of the project manager responsible for the project she’s currently working on and the project wanting the peer review. And that is never going to happen. I can’t get them to understand that it isn’t a project thing, it’s a technical writing team thing. Do programmers have to get permission before they can ask another programmer to check something over for them? It’s called team work. The whole thing just makes me annoyed, anxious, stressed, ill, and unhappy. I spent several hours tonight working on the damn thing and I’ll probably end up putting in hours on the weekend as well. I have insomnia again and I’m near tears all the time. I need to find a way to cope with this because whatever I’m doing now just isn’t working.

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