Letting go

I look after a number of informational Web sites, mostly my own but a couple on behalf of other people/organizations. One of them I’ve looked after (in the sense of being the contact point, having created the site, and compiled or gathered all of the information, though I haven’t added new information in a few years) since 1998. Got a e-mail today from the main contact for the organization (which oversees a few such sites) demanding that we (those of us looking after the sites) respond or they would consider the sites defunct and look for other people to look after them, that they’d gotten no response to their last four e-mails. I’ve gotten only the one e-mail from them, today’s, and I’m a little ticked. But I don’t know why. I know that I’m emotionally attached to the site because, well, it didn’t exist until I created it and it’s been “mine” for ten years. But I’m not the same person I was back then. Back then, I was fairly new to the Internet and had only a personal home page to look after. So I had loads of time, energy, and interest for this site. I haven’t had that energy for years. So I’m going to let the site go, pull the information that I collected myself and put it on its own site and then leave the general stuff for whoever has the time to devote to the site.

Another organization that I belong to started up a new blog a few months ago and, despite my past help with copyediting and proofreading the existing posts, someone else has been put in charge of helping to corral future content and take it to the next level. I’m bothered by that in the same way that the e-mail about the other site ticked me off. My nose is out of joint. How dare they not think I’m the best thing since sliced bread. So what if someone else might do a better job. And so what if I don’t have the time or the energy for a project like that. That’s not the point. I still feel jilted. It’s all really very childish and, yes, silly. Looking at the situation again tonight after that e-mail, I’m seeing that it is just something else that I’ve become attached to that I really wouldn’t have been able to sustain my interest in. But releasing the attachment is difficult…and there are so many other things that I should probably release that I haven’t even begun to look at yet. That’s going to be a long process. But unloading the ten-year-old site is the first step and unloading my expectations for the other organization is the second. The rest should be easier.  

[It’s weird that, as I’m writing this, TMZ.com is showing a segment about Delta Burke and her hoarding problem. This is a form of hoarding, holding onto things that you don’t really want or need just because you can’t let go.]


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