Someone I thought was a good friend of mine (someone who doesn’t read this blog, or I wouldn’t be mentioning it here) decided to quit an organization that we both belong(ed) to a couple of months ago. The reasons she gives to everyone else who commiserates with her don’t quite match what she said to me during our talks prior to, during, and after her resignation. They’re part of it but they don’t tell the full story. But they do garner her much sympathy from her supporters. She’s a Scorpio. I count a surprising number of Scorpios among my friends — Earth signs and Scorpios make up 90% — and they all suffer from this tenacious ability to hold a grudge. For. E-ver.
I get angry frequently (more frequently some weeks than others) but I tend to forget it all fairly quickly. I hold few permanent or semi-permanent grudges (which isn’t to say that the same issues don’t crop up regularly enough to make it seem so but it’s all fresh anger, not stale, grudgy anger) so it frustrates me to deal with these darned Scorpios. Anyway, this friend is holding onto a serious grudge, a grudge that won’t let her just move on with her life but also won’t let her bite the bullet and come back to the group. If she were here, I’d be yelling at her to “Smarten the f*&% up.” I periodically ask her when she’s coming back but she seems to be avoiding me, all the while still doing things from the outside that keep her tethered emotionally to the group. She recently posted yet another, yes, I’ll say it, whining commentary in her blog about why she left that makes me want to slap her and bring her to her senses, and I find I’m faced with a bit of a conundrum. Do I continue to try to nurture what tenuous strings of our friendship are left? Or do I just cut both our losses and move on? For my own sanity, the latter seems to be the direction I should be heading but it’s a hard choice to make. I don’t give up friends easily but, when I do, it’s usually a permanent surrender. Am I ready to erase her from my inner roster of friends?
Think maybe I need to meditate on that a bit.