what’s going on.
There’s some weird energy afoot here. Not quite sure what to make of it. It’s similar to the feelings that I had just before the layoff notice at the last job, except that it’s not the same. It’s a sense of expectation that is more positive than the sense of dread I felt then. But the vibration is similar, the feeling of waiting for something to happen. Every reading I’ve done or had done for me in the last several weeks has pointed to positive things coming, but they are still in the abstract, unformed state — all potential but little reality. One set of four readings, all done with the same set of cards over the last two weeks and all for different variations on the question of my future with the company, uniformly showed a mutually beneficial partnership or alliance, an offer, reward for hard work, recognition of talent, respect, and other similar aspects. A very positive vibe that matches my internal impressions and very much describes my current situation. But nothing has been happening and I’ve become a bit of a realist in recent years. I like to know where I stand.
I asked my supervisor yesterday if my contract was ending as expected and his response was that, yes, the contract is ending as expected but that there may be something else for “someone like [me]” but it was still under discussion. Today, I was at work late again and the department manager and I had a talk about the situation. It’s all very up in the air and all very dependent on the economy situation and on other pending events and actions, like dominoes teetering on the point of falling — will they fall? will they fall in the direction you hope they will? will they fall in the direction you want in a timeframe you can live with? Assuming things do fall into place and there is a place in the company’s budget for new hiring, there’s still the hiring process — the company insists on jobs being advertised and interviews held — and the fact that the company wheels move slowly at the best of time. My contract ends in two weeks. There’s no chance of anything happening before then. So, on the one hand, they are all very impressed with my skills and work and innate talents, and that plus the fact that they want me to stick around is really nice to hear and good for the ego. But on the other hand, it’s not entirely in the hands of the people who want me to stick around.
So, I’m in this weird place where I have this expectation of positive things happening but no clear idea of how or when they might be manifesting themselves. I’m trying to keep an open mind, but it’s hard not to get impatient or to think you know where things are heading.
Life Begins at 41...or maybe 43 