The Me Project: Day 17

Not horrible, food-wise. Ordered some absolutely scrumptious ravioli from Boston Pizza. Too much of it, but it was worth the angst.

Shopped a little (OK, a lot) online. Probably too much.

Having a good think about where exactly I want to be.

Talking to Nik the other day reminded me of what I really want. I’d forgotten it in the midst of the haze of not sleeping properly and massive, killer sugar binges. I need to stop thinking, worrying ahead and just concentrate what I can/should be doing now. I don’t want any more missed opportunities to just enjoy myself because I was too self-conscious or filled with self-loathing. In an ideal world, I’d have learned to be happy with myself the way I am, but this isn’t an ideal world and I’m not a ideal person. I can’t be truly happy overweight — to say otherwise would be a lie. I can be resigned to my lot in life, which is the easy, lazy road I’ve been on, or I can get onto a different road and actually live.

I know which one appeals to me now and I need to remember that.

Musique du jour:

Back to Tokio Hotel. Don’t look surprised.

Horoscope:

From Jonathan Cainer: It’s a shame that babies can’t be interviewed. In an ideal world, maternity wards would be patrolled by researchers, clutching clipboards, quizzing each new arrival. While they were at it, they could ask, ‘Where have you just arrived from?’ And, ‘What was it like?’ Then, we might all learn a thing or two. In the absence of such an arrangement, we have only astrologers to tell us what a child is born to be. What were you born to be? Happier than you are now. And it’s about time you started.

(Appropriate today, because I’m not feeling particularly happy. Won’t go into why except to say that families are hard work.)

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