Favourite Etsy finds that I’ll probably never buy

I’d love to buy them but they’re the kind of things that are pretty hard to justify buying when you’re living paycheque-to-paycheque. So they sit in my wishlist while I watch and wait, dreading the day when someone else buys them instead. Maybe if the gods are smiling on me and I get a new contract soon, I’ll be able to finally get one or two of them.

Sock zombies — Like sock monkeys but more undead. Created by underroos, aka Erin. Absolutely pointless but I want one so badly. In particular, I want a Pirate Zombie. Partly because it’s just so bizarre (toe sock hair? blood dripping from the mouth?) and cute at the same time, and partly because of the description on the item (shown below). I think he’d get along really well with my Bluenoser monk doll.

Could there be anything more feared than the Pirate Zombie? I mean, you know he’s going to eat your face off, that’s a given. But after that you’re going to have to watch, faceless, as he ransacks your house and takes all your best stuff. Talk about insult to injury.

Pirate Zombie’s handcrafted ensemble is completely removable in the event that you want to see Pirate Zombie naked. His eye patch, vest, and messenger bag are made out of felt, and his awesome head wrap thing is made out of something else, I don’t know. Fabric. Pirate Zombie’s messenger bag contains adorable surprise pirate goodies. Oh, you don’t even know.

Pirate Zombie has a skull and crossbones tattoo on his shoulder; he tells people it’s a Pirate Zombie gang sign he earned by drinking more Captain Morgan Private Reserve than anyone else, ever, but really he got it on Mission Beach after the other Pirate Zombies made fun of how he looked in a tank top.

Pirate Zombie is on his third divorce, but he’s not worried about it. Pirate Zombie has a knack for doing really well in settlement situations.

Assemblage Spirit Dolls — One-of-a-kind fetish dolls, mixed media Goddesses, and forest spirits created by Griselda Tello. Absolutely stunning, breathtaking works of art that really stir your senses. I’d really have to clean this place up to be worthy of having one of those hanging on my wall.

Steampunk jewelry — Too many favourite sellers to link to just one so I’ve linked to an Etsy search results page instead. (Actually, what I really want is a computer like Datamancer’s Nagy Magical-Movable-Type Pixello-Dynamotronic Computational Engine or the Steampunk Workshop’s Victorian All–in-One PC, but one settles for what one can reasonably obtain.)

[This post was originally written on January 8 for publication on January 10, but technical issues prevented me from doing that. So it was pre-dated and published on January 13 instead.]

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