Down to the food dregs

Unsurprisingly, I have a food obsession. Some of that comes from being Taurus, Taureans being very fond of food at the best of times. And some of that comes from the OCD peeking through, from the oral fixation, from the food issues, from just being obsessive in general.

I ran out of the Fun Food — and money — on Friday, and won’t have any until Monday afternoon. Had I remembered and actually managed to get my butt up in time to go to the bloggers breakfast yesterday, I would have had to go to the bank first to empty out the couple of dollars sitting in my RRSP to do so. Wish I’d done that, ‘cos then I wouldn’t be sitting here jonesing for something I don’t have.

So I’m down to the least fun of the “real” food: yogurt, juice, canned fruit, frozen fish, KD, cereal, rice, cheese slices, etc. Solid, serviceable food. And, don’t get me wrong, most times I like all of the above. Occasionally, I even crave them. But it’s all about choice and knowing that you have none that makes it difficult to love them when they are all you have.

I’m not starving. Hell, I’m really not even hungry. But for the life of me, I can’t concentrate today at all because I really want something that I don’t have. I don’t know what, I just know it doesn’t exist in my apartment at this very moment. If I had it, I probably wouldn’t even want it. But because I don’t have it and can’t have it, it has become my entire world. You know that feeling you have when you’re waiting for a really important phone call that never seems to come? It’s like that. No matter what you do to try to focus yourself on other things, it’s a niggling distraction that you can’t get rid of.