Random thoughts. (Because I don’t get it. I’m in it but I don’t get it.)

How do people have the time to tweet all freakin’ day like that? I’m talking about people who actually have lives. Do they live on their iPhones and BlackBerries? Should I feel like a less accomplished human being because (a) I can’t tweet on the go and (b) really don’t have anything worth tweeting about even if I did? (Why am I daydreaming about the smartphone-free, computer-less, information-underloaded era of Jane Austen?)

Why are all the kewl Twitter apps for Macs only? (Ne-ver mind, I know the answer to that one.)

Are you supposed to keep your personalities separate from each other, with their own followers? Or are you supposed to just whitter on about how awesome your lunch is to who’s following you? Your boss, your coworkers, your family, online acquaintances, friends-of-friends-of-friends, some snack food-producing stranger (and his wife) in Indiana?

Why am I following all the people that I am? Does it really matter to my life that I know what Bo Burnham is thinking right this very minute? (Well, actually, he’s kind of funny so pretend I mentioned someone else like, say, Oprah. Wait, that wouldn’t work either because I don’t actually follow her. Um…) I was ready to dump a number of them over the weekend (and may yet still do it) because it was all freakin’ sports, all of the everloving, kill-me-now-before-I-gouge-out-my-eyes time. Seriously? Do we really have to watch the entire game/match/bout with you? If I liked you that much (and that restraining order wasn’t in place), I’d be watching it in your living room with you. (Ask me if I care about sports. Go ahead.)

Why are people so indiscriminate about who they follow? You can’t possibly hope to actually keep up with 5,000 people on Twitter so why follow them? Why? Because, like Facebook and Myspace, it’s all about the link love, baby. I follow you, you follow me, both our numbers grow exponentially and then maybe people start thinking we’re cool, leading of course to us ultimately, really becoming cool. (Of course, you’ll never catch up with CNN breaking news or Ashton-f***ing-Kutcher but you have to start small, don’t you? Sorry, aplusk, I appreciate the intent behind your malaria pledge drive but I’m annoyed by all the bandwagon jumping — there *are* other charities and important causes on the planet.)

Why must social networking be the future of anything? All it’s really doing is exacerbating the information overload problem. We don’t need to have that kind of up-to-the-minute finger on the pulse of anyone or anything. It’s an easy access to not just information but instantaneous trivialities far beyond even the most obsessively written blog that breeds a very short attention spa…ooh, shiny.