Persistence

Jehovah’s Witnesses are nothing if not persistent in their zealous quest to bring you to Jesus Christ.

My mother tells of a Jehovah’s Witness following her into our apartment (even into a closet) uninvited as my mother gathered her coat and purse to leave. A friend had a recent encounter in which two Jehovah’s Witnesses tried to open the screen door to her house to enter uninvited despite the two very large Akitas who were growling at them. They’re very lucky it was locked or you might have been reading a very tragic news story. I’ve had friends with very weird senses of humour play cat and mouse with Jehovah’s Witnesses, inviting them in only to start in-depth theological discussions with them or to bring out their pagan/Wiccan/whatever paraphernalia to start of debate about Jesus versus their deity.

I’ve never had a problem myself with Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking on my door, seeking to witness to me. Mind you, I’m one of those people who either doesn’t answer the door or only cracks it open a bit before telling you to get lost. Trust me, I could out-stubborn even a Jehovah’s Witness.

But they’re moving into the modern(-ish) age. Out with the door-to-door witnessing and in with the telemarketing. If you haven’t been telemarketed by a Jehovah’s Witness yet, it’s only a matter of time. Prepare for it now and you can have fun with it. My first Jehovah’s Witness telemarketing call came a couple of years ago. I’d just started up some monthly donations to some environmental organizations and at first, the anonymous call seemed like it might have been a donation solicitation call from one of them. “We know you’re concerned about the environment and global warming and…” He had me still on the line until he mentioned war and terrorism. At that point, I cut him off and asked him what group he was with. I kept cutting him off as he skirted around the question until he finally said he was a Jehovah’s Witness. I actually said “Oh, for f&^%’s sake” and hung up on him. That’s when I started screening my calls.

Last night, a very pleasant young lady left a message on my answering machine as I was screening calls. I couldn’t make out much of what she said, but I heard enough to know that it was a religious call so I didn’t pick up. When I replayed the message, I realized that she was a Jehovah’s Witness as well.

Soon, they’ll be spamming Twitter and witnessing via email spam. And then there will be nowhere to hide.

[Edited January 23, 2013: What the hell? At what point did the title of this become just “P”? I can’t even begin to figure out what I’d originally titled it. Something about Persistence? I can’t leave it as “P”, though. Cryptic is good but insensible? ]

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