Wow, I’m so proud

What I learned about Canada and Canadians from the Vancouver 2010 Olympics opening ceremonies:

  1. Canadians spend all of their time fiddling and dancing while wearing kilts…
  2. …or doing slam poetry.
  3. Canadians are all Celtic
  4. Or one of the First Nations.
  5. Canadians love phallic symbols. (Well, really, who doesn’t?)
  6. Parkas and no pants. It’s a look, but I’m not sure what exactly it’s saying about us.

    Do we see a difference here? If you’re going to tart up the women, shouldn’t you do the same to the men?
  7. Bryan Adams and Nelly Furtado lip syncing is the best Canada apparently could come up with for “live” talent. (Was everyone else busy? Seriously?)
  8. kd lang = Dakey Dunn? (I couldn’t find a good picture, but it’s the shapeless men’s suit that does it; straight off Dakey’s back, it was.
  9. Someone really thought that giving everyone drums to beat instead of clapping was going to sound authentically Canadian rather than making it sound like a contentious parliamentary debate. (Oh, wait…)
  10. Vancouver can’t even shake off its “Grow Op Capital of Canada” reputation long enough to build a decent Olympic cauldron.

    Come on, tell me it doesn’t  look like huge, lit joints surrounding a chunk of lit hash. It might explain the malfunction of the fourth leg — the engineers started partying a little early — and the 15-minute Wayne Gretzky parade drive to light the outdoor doobies. (Why have one stack ‘o dope when you can have two?)
  11. Someone at the Vancouver Sun has really fast fingers, publishing their first article about how brilliant the ceremonies were within minutes of the ending of the show. (I can’t find it now — clearly someone had pre-written an article based on previews and had it ready to publish the instant the show was over; they’ve since overwritten it.)

Good to  know that Canada’s hopes for an Emmy in the Best Foreign “What the Hell Were They Thinking?” Variety Show category are still going strong.

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6 thoughts on “Wow, I’m so proud

    • Apparently, non-Canadians appear to have loved it. (Mind you, maybe that says more about what people think about those quaint old Canadians than it does about how good the ceremonies were.) It’s only the Canadians I know who went “When did we become all about fiddling? And when did kd lang become a man?” And maybe you have to be from Canada to truly get the joint impression. (I still can’t look at it without laughing.) Too bad the Olympic committee has clamped down on the evil people posting clips on YouTube.

  1. Fabulous post. I’ve skipped the Olympics so far. Don’t mind watching sports. I just can’t get caught up in all the rah rah of this event.

    It’s kind of like “Halmark Holidays”. Isn’t every day a day to say “I’m proud to be …”?

  2. If the show was so awful, why didn’t you turn it off after the first 10 minutes? Really, people that have nothing better to do than complain are just plain irritating. Find something you enjoy doing and do it! You’d be a much happier person.

    • Why keep watching? Well, you know, it could have improved — and there were parts that weren’t bad. (I’ll let you in on a secret: not only did I watch it, but I actually downloaded it from iTunes as well.)

      However, the post wasn’t about what was good — there were more than enough places you could go to read about the highs (“highs”…get it?) so why repeat the same old, same old? I clearly wasn’t attempting to write a balanced, neutral news article; and I wasn’t trying to write a feel good hug of a post. This is my blog — if I want to complain about something, this really is the place to do it, wouldn’t you say? You are as entirely free to not listen to me complain as I am to complain. It’s part of what makes the world the marvelous place it is.

      See? I’m happier already. 🙂

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