What I learned about Canada and Canadians from the Vancouver 2010 Olympics opening ceremonies:
- Canadians spend all of their time fiddling and dancing while wearing kilts…
- …or doing slam poetry.
- Canadians are all Celtic
- Or one of the First Nations.
- Canadians love phallic symbols. (Well, really, who doesn’t?)
- Parkas and no pants. It’s a look, but I’m not sure what exactly it’s saying about us.
Do we see a difference here? If you’re going to tart up the women, shouldn’t you do the same to the men?
- Bryan Adams and Nelly Furtado lip syncing is the best Canada apparently could come up with for “live” talent. (Was everyone else busy? Seriously?)
- kd lang = Dakey Dunn? (I couldn’t find a good picture, but it’s the shapeless men’s suit that does it; straight off Dakey’s back, it was.
- Someone really thought that giving everyone drums to beat instead of clapping was going to sound authentically Canadian rather than making it sound like a contentious parliamentary debate. (Oh, wait…)
- Vancouver can’t even shake off its “Grow Op Capital of Canada” reputation long enough to build a decent Olympic cauldron.
Come on, tell me it doesn’t look like huge, lit joints surrounding a chunk of lit hash. It might explain the malfunction of the fourth leg — the engineers started partying a little early — and the 15-minute Wayne Gretzky parade drive to light the outdoor doobies. (Why have one stack ‘o dope when you can have two?)
- Someone at the Vancouver Sun has really fast fingers, publishing their first article about how brilliant the ceremonies were within minutes of the ending of the show. (I can’t find it now — clearly someone had pre-written an article based on previews and had it ready to publish the instant the show was over; they’ve since overwritten it.)
Good to know that Canada’s hopes for an Emmy in the Best Foreign “What the Hell Were They Thinking?” Variety Show category are still going strong.