You can’t find everything on the Interwebs

Youtube is great for 70s and 80s music videos. Looking for a little Men Without Hats, Kajagoogoo, Duran Duran, Devo, Boomtown Rats, Platinum Blonde? It’s all there, including two of my absolute favourite 80s videos from Men at Work, “Land Down Under” and “It’s a Mistake”

and Platinum Blonde’s “It Doesn’t Really Matter” (I remember seeing Platinum Blonde at a dive club in Halifax with my brother and his girlfriend (now wife) way back in 1983 when they were first starting out. They’d just released the EP that was the precursor to “Standing in the Dark” and they were fantastic. When they next came through the city, they were “too big” to play clubs and I refused to pay to see them at the Metro Centre.)

Anyway, getting back to the point. There’s one 80s song I keep hoping to find on Youtube. Hell, I’d be happy to see it turn up on the Internet at all, even on a lyrics site or Wikipedia, but it’s just not there. The song was called “Pills Are Painless”. I can’t remember who sang it (it was a Tony Basil-ish female singer but it could have the female singer of a mixed group and not a solo artist — I just don’t recall) but it did the rounds of the few music video shows that were on Canadian TV in the pre-Much-Music early 80s. I’m guessing it came out in 1983 or 1984 or thereabouts. I can only remember the tune, flashes of images from the video, and snippets of the lyrics:

He takes them in all shapes and colours
[something something]
He takes one, he takes two
He feels good if he takes a few
It’s a matter of [something] that I think he lacks
[something something]

Pills are painless
[something] is [something-ainless]
Steel is stainless
And Bill is brainless

I’d be happy if I could just find the lyrics so that I can sing it to myself without humming breaks, though seeing the video again would be awesome.

Just goes to show that the Internet doesn’t have everything you’d ever want to know. 😉

Updated December 13, 2008, based on Brittany’s comment below (Thanks, Brittany, for finding it — and thanks Eva for uploading it back in August):

“Painless” by Eva Everything:

Check out her Youtube channel.

Lyrics (may have a few mistakes as there were one or two places where I couldn’t quite decide what she was saying):

Oo oo oo
oo oo oo oo oo
Oo oo oo
oo oo oo oo oo

He takes them in all shapes and colours
He wants to feel what they do
He gets red, he gets light
He can’t afford to be uptight
It’s a medical affliction that he takes them for
Problem’s gotten worse, he must have more

For Pills are painless
Thrills are veinless
Steel is stainless
And Bill is brainless

Oo oo oo
oo oo oo oo oo

Every day he wakes up in a coma
Revival is just a state of mind
You take one, you take two
You feel good if you take a few

It’s a medical affliction that he takes them for
Problem’s gotten worse, he must have more

For pills are painless
Thrills are veinless
Steel is stainless
And Bill is brainless

Oo oo oo
oo oo oo oo oo

What’s for breakfast, Bill?
(Dah, what…scrambled brains)

Your painless proposition to deploy daily doldrums downing pharmaceutical feasts with dipsomania doesn’t deter deleterious dependence. Now I can’t knock a little inconsequential chemical courage but you’re a zero falling into the nano-negative integers so fast…you’re disappearing

You can’t get a brain transfusion easy
‘Cos donors are very hard to find
He gets live, he gets dead
He eats the inside of his head

It’s a medical affliction that he takes them for
Problem’s gotten worse, he must have more

For pills are painless
Thrills are veinless
Steel is stainless
And Bill is brainless

(repeat X 2)

So, the moral to the story is this:

The Internet *does* have everything you’d ever want to know, if you just wait long enough — or remember enough to search properly. 😉

Oh, and Eva Everything is awesome.


18 thoughts on “You can’t find everything on the Interwebs

  1. Greg

    Wow… for some reason I was looking for the damned thing as well. I have no idea who sang it but at one point they feed him his own brain. (“What’s for breakfast… duhh… scrambled brains”) which is the first thing I thought of when I saw Hannibal do it on film.

    It’s all still rattling around in the back of my skull. I wish I could find it somewhere.

  2. chris

    wrt your memory of the brainless song… I have the same memory, but haven’t been able to find it…

    I’ve got it stuck in my head that it was Lene Lovich singing it, but it doesn’t appear in any of here album lists… It sound a lot like “New Toy”, but the lyrics you list

  3. Hmm, the look of the main singer was very similar to Lene Lovich but I remember the vocal style of the singer being more smooth, more Pop-like. What’s odd to me is that the only people who seem to be searching for the song are Canadian. That suggests that it might have been a Canadian singer/group.

  4. An NYC cab in the video for this song? I’m not sure that says a whole lot about origin since NYC cabs are frequently used as the stereotypical cabs.

    Most of what I remember is the dark-haired singer dressed up in a tight nurse’s outfit with the big 80s hair and makeup, and “Bill” on a gurney in an operating room. (I’d forgotten about the scrambled brains thing until Greg mentioned it.) I also remember that I never actually saw it on TV myself, and I was an avid video watcher at the time. I only ever saw it on a betamax tape that my sister had recorded. Maybe that’s why I have trouble remembering more than snippets.

  5. Brittany

    I found the song! It’s called Painless by Eva Everything
    I found the video on YouTube, But i couldn’t find it on any search engine.
    Here’s the link;

    I stumbled across your site looking for the song and when I finally found it, I thought I should let you know so that you weren’t going crazy anymore 😀

    1. Oh, that is just awesome! It explains why only Canadians seem to be looking for the song. LOL Funny how I’ve misremembered parts of the video and song. And funny how she’d uploaded the video just a couple of days before I created this post — if I’d only been able to remember her name or the album name, I might have found it.

  6. WOW – Eva Everything, Painless. I have had that tune running around in my head for decades! I could only remember one line – Bill is Brainless. I have asked so many people about it – describing the video to them. They always thought I was nuts. Now I can prove that I am only half nuts!

    Of course now the entire song is rambling in my head now…

  7. here i am
    ok so 1984 minus 2009
    25 years later
    thanks for the link
    once again, like many others
    have been looking for this song for a very very VERY VERY long time
    way awesome whoever posted that youtube link
    you rock
    still blown away
    gonna watch it again
    thank you so very VERY MUCH!

  8. Paul Data

    Hehe, that’s me, Paul D playing the part of Painless Bill… 🙂 Eva self-produced that video (with a lot of help from friends) in the mid 80s in Toronto. She also wrote, produced, and arranged the song, and sang and played all the keyboards; I was her bass (and sometimes guitar) player for all her studio sessions. She did several more videos that might become available at some time in the future. Eva is indeed a science writer and TV producer, in Canada. BUY HER NEW BOOK!! 🙂
    I myself have long since left Canada, (in fact right around the time we did this video) and lived in NYC for about 20 years; had a great career in music and photography. I’m now retired and live in Tucson AZ. I sometimes play solo shows locally.
    I’m glad you all found ‘Painless’ and are still enjoying Eva’s work. She and I are regularly in touch and are still best friends… 🙂
    -Paul D

  9. Jonathan

    Thanks for the catchy vintage videos, Just a small request, can some please post
    ‘No Pleasure’ by Eva Everything….I can’t find it anywhere.

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